6DP2DT

25 Jun 2014, Wed

I had a terrible night. Worse than last night for sure. Couldnt sleep till way past midnight. Been letting out lotsa air. Might be due to the herbs as TSB had told me it'll help dispel wind. Finally managed to fall asleep past 1am, last I look at my handphone it was already 1:30am. I know it was a bad night as I know I was tossing and turning and cant find a sweet spot to fall into deep sleep. And I know I've been letting out air the whole night.

Woke up as usual for medication before going back to bed again. This time I slept through and woke up at 11am. Woke up with a numb left butt as I was trying to sleep sideways using my butt as support. Woke up with a lighter tummy (think the air was all released last night) and a weird feeling. Cant really expressed the feeling, but the feeling like I was before this whole procedure. This caused me PANIC! Big panic and I wonder if it's gone. ANXIETY! PANIC! WORRY! It all engulfed me. I dont know why but I just have all these terrible feeling. Watsapp DH and told him I'm worried. DH comforted me and told me to just leave it to God. Dont think too much and just trust God. And I try, try really hard.

Went to prepare my lunch. Lunch today's Tau You Pork with Mushroom and rice. Simple 1 dish meal which I've requested mum to cook for me last night. Felt better after eating. This is what you call Comfort Food.

Got back to work on my work laptop and saw emails from boss for some requests. Cleared all these before I went for my shower, medication and QT. Today's QT was a little tough, a little heavy hearted. Prayed and cried out to God for help.

Decided to drop "H" of SMHF. She's just gotten a BFP and am really happy with her. She's encouraged me to not look into the symptoms or my feelings. She shared how she's been charting her BBT to be sure and encouraged me to do so. And I did, even though it's already late at 3pm. My temperature reads 37.37DegC. Praise God! You might be thinking "Why am I so happy?" That's because, my temperature has never passed 37DegC during my regular BBT charting times. My highest was 37DegC and it's only happened once. My highest temperature reading was 36.9DegC all these while. I'm extremely relieved and shared my joy with both DH and "H". I'm gonna start BBT charting as of tomorrow morning before medication.

How I Feel Today:

Sucky with all these negative feelings. Now I know what the other ladies meant when they say it's torturing and thoughts starts to fool around with your mind. Am feeling more constipated than yesterday with no relief. Hoping tonight's TSB's herbs will help release some of the tension in my intestine. Tummy feels looser and lighter but telling myself dont let my tummy tell me the situation. Praying and believing that my babies is clinging on well to my uterus as they continue to grow and implant deeper tomorrow.